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beast wars botcon script

"VISITATIONS"

by Bob Forward

 

FADE LIGHTS UP

We see all the actors seated in a semicircle on the stage, spotlights illuminating them.

SCENE: A REMOTE REGION OF THE PLANET

SFX:  BLOWING WIND, MUSIC.  Music FADES as we HEAR SFX: ROBOT FOOTSTEPS.

onyx primal

Come on, Packrat!  Up here!

packrat

(puffing)

Oh my aching servos.  The only thing worse than patrol duty is patrol duty with an bat who thinks he's a mountain goat.

onyx primal

If you'd quit complaining, you might have enough breath for the climb.  Not that I care.  You want to rest, rest.  I'll go on alone.

packrat

And have ya find that weird meteorite first?  Not a chance, Onyx Primal, ya leather-winged loser.  'Course, ya could always fly...

onyx primal

Sure, and get shot down.

packrat

Oh yeah, this is Pred territory.

onyx primal

It wasn't the Preds I was worried about.

(pulls out gun, SFX: COCKS it)

Say, why don't YOU go on ahead.

packrat

Whoa, no ya don't.  I wouldn't trust--

(suddenly sniffs)

Waittacycle.  Smell that?

onyx primal

(also sniffing)

Predacon.  Artifact.  But unusual...

(sudden excitement)

There!  Inside that tangle of wild bean vines!

packrat

Wild bean vines!?  Oh no!  This isn't one of those episodes, is it?

onyx primal

I think I see it!

packrat

You do not!  I saw it first!

sfx: rustles of vines, struggles, grunts

packrat/onyx

Gimme it!  Leggo!  It's mine!  Stupid mouse!  Blasted bloodsucker!  (etc.)

Ending with:

onyx primal

Hah!  Got it!

packrat

(sullen)

Aw, go suck on a turkey neck.

onyx primal

It's a Pred gizmo all right.  I'd say it's some sort of... plot device.  But unusual design.  Almost... futuristic.

packrat

Well, duh!  This is a science fiction series, bat boy.

onyx primal

No, I mean --

He BREAKS OFF with a startled yell as suddenly we hear SFX: EXPLOSIONS and strobe lights FLASH.

packrat

(yells)

Look!  Up in the sky!  It's the Predacons Fractyl and Vicegrip, diving to attack!  They must have detected the artifact too, and are coming to take it from our possession!

onyx primal

(dryly)

Thank you, Mr. Exposition.

packrat

Hey, I didn't write this slag.

SFX:  MORE EXPLOSIONS and FLASHES, which carry OVER:

fractyl

They've found the artifact, Vicegrip!  Blast them!

vicegrip

I already am, Fractyl!  Why are you wasting time telling me!?

fractyl

Just establishing our names with the audience, Vicegrip! Remember, they're Transfans!

vicegrip

Oh, that's right, Fractyl.

(to audience)

Hey!  Brawn is DEAD!

SFX:  SUDDEN, ABSOLUTE SILENCE.  No explosions, no flashes.  There is a LONG PAUSE.  SFX:  CRICKET CHIRPS.

fractyl

(carefully)

What did you say?

vicegrip

(very small)

Nuthin'.  Din't say nuthin'.

fractyl

That's better.

(shout)

Okay!  Light it up!

The SFX: EXPLOSIONS and FLASHES resume.

onyx primal

Quickly, Packrat!  Take cover in this crevice with the convenient overhanging boulders!

packrat

No way!  I know this writer.  I'll hold 'em off from out here!

onyx primal

What are you, paranoid?

packrat

Hey, in case you hadn't noticed, big ears, we ain't exactly recurring characters.

(mutters)

I feel like a red shirt in "Star Trek."

onyx primal

Suit yourself.  As for me, I'll stash this strange artifact deep in this crevice, amongst these rocks -- HEY!

packrat

Now what!?

onyx primal

A strange figure just appeared and snatched the artifact and vanished!

packrat

What'd it look like!?

onyx primal

Couldn't tell!  It was in heavy shadow.

packrat

Yeah right.  Since when do we have shadows?

(sudden reaction to SFX: INCOMING MISSILE)

Uh oh!  One o' Vicegrips' missiles is headed straight for the overhanging boulders!  Gee, who woulda thought!

onyx primal

Run!

SFX:  REALLY LOUD EXplosion and falling rocks.

sfx: fade battle sounds to distant and fade up sfx: rushing air

sfx:  SIlverbolt fanfare

silverbolt

Rattrap!  Look down there, my rodent passenger!  A battle rages 'twixt good Maximal and evil Predacon!

rattrap

So we're tryin' somethin' new then, eh, bonebrain?

silverbolt

We must go to the aid of our comrades in conflict!

rattrap

Whaddaya, nuts?  Silverbolt, they're repaints.  Screw 'em with a Phillips head.

silverbolt

I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Rattrap.  Power dive!

sfx:  dive-bomber

rattrap

(descending yell)

fade up sfx: weapons battle

onyx primal

Good thing we escaped that explosion!  It took out half the landscape!

packrat

Yeah, that was some truly spectacular devastation!

LARRY DITILLIO leans onstage, possibly dressed as Groucho.

larry ditillio

Man.  I knew 3H Enterprises took a hit last year, but this is ridiculous!

Larry vanishes.  Packrat reacts.

packrat

Look!  It's Silverbolt and Rattrap!

onyx primal

Say that again?

packrat

Silverbolt and Rattrap!  Silverbolt and Rattrap!

onyx primal

(looking at the audience)

You all clear on that?  Good.  Here they come.

sfx:  major blasts and explosions, carnage in general

vicegrip

Aaarrgh!  I'm slagged, Fractyl!

fractyl

Me too!  AAAARGH!

The SFX: EXPLOSIONS and BATTLE fade to silence.  Only the lights on the actors playing Vicegrip and Fractyl remain.

vicegrip

(after a beat)

Cool.  We're done for this episode, Fractyl.  Guess you and me can go get a drink of mech fluid at (name of local bar)

fractyl

I'm there, Vicegrip.  Say, heard this joke the other cycle -- "Why does a Decepticon wrap a Maximal in duct tape?"

vicegrip

(voice fading)

Heard it.  And you're disgusting.

(both laugh)

LIGHTS back up.  sfx:  rocks being pushed aside

onyx primal

Silverbolt and Rattrap.  You're lucky to be alive.  I was just about to vaporize those Preds when you got in the way.

packrat

You were not, blood breath!  I was!

onyx primal

Go chew on a wall!

rattrap

Hey hey HEY!  I don't suppose either o' you two promotional items managed to find the McGuffin for this ep?

packrat

The artifact?  I had it, but peg-warmer here lost it.

onyx primal

Liar!  I had it, but it was stolen by a mysterious shadowy figure that appeared out of nowhere!

silverbolt

Appeared out of nowhere, eh?  Like THAT?

others

(gasp)

sfx:  rising hum of power

packrat

Amazing!  A dark figure of power and evil, appearing from a cloud of smoke!

onyx primal

George Boznos!?

packrat

No, it's some sort of female Predacon!  And she's got a weapon!  Look out!

SFX:  LOTS OF explosions and blasting

rattrap, onyx, silverbolt, packrat, fractyl

(more or less in unison, depending on how many voices Scott is doing)

Aaagh!  GAAAH!  I'm hit!  Agh!  My head's blown off!  Aaagh!  My robo-guts are hanging out!  Aaagh!  I'm bleeding mech fluid into the dust!  Aaargh!  What hideously violent cybergore!

sfx: blasting fades off as:

rattrap

(wailing)

If only someone could stop this carnage!

optimus primal

This is Optimus.  I'm on my way!

rattrap

Actually, I was thinkin' more like Sally Bell.

antagony

The BS&P will not save you this time, Maximals.  For your doom is at hand!  Which of you have the device?

onyx primal

Uh... That would be Packrat!

packrat

No way!  Onyx Primal had it, but he lost it, the lamer!

onyx/packrat

Did not!  Did so!  Did not!  Did so!

sfx: approaching fanjets and buzzing

silverbolt

(weakly)

Lo!  The villains Megatron and Waspinator approach!

antagony

Well, since none of you can produce the device, I shall simply destroy you all.

packrat/onyx

(hasty unison)

Megatron has it!

sfx: fanjets whine down.

megatron

Well.  What have we here?

waspinator

Waspinator see many body parts.  And none of them Waspinator's.  Oh, happy day!

antagony

Are you Megatron?

megatron

Yesss.  Excellent.

rattrap

By the second line!  Pay up.

Whoever is next to Scott slaps a bill in his hand.

megatron

And who, my dear devastating ant-shaped damsel, might you be?

antagony

I am your doom!  I am your destruction!  I am your worst enemy!

megatron

(startled)

Raksha?

antagony

NO!  I am ANTAGONY!  Herald of the Destruction!  And long have I searched for you!  But your trail was hidden well.

(lower voice -- dramatic)

I scanned the vast reaches of the cosmos and found nothing.  I filtered the very essence of Transwarp space and got no clue.  I even cast the cyber-runes of Primus to no avail!

megatron

So how DID you find me then?

antagony

I checked Ben Yee's web page.

megatron

What!?  You have betrayed me for the last time, Wonko The Sane!

David stands and makes a shooting gesture with his hand.  SFX: BLASTER.  In the audience, BEN YEE leaps up, screams, and dies weltering in his own gore.

waspinator

Ooo.  Can Waspinator shoot audience member too?

megatron

No!

waspinator

Awww.

antagony

And now, Megatron -- eh?

SFX: approaching jets

megatron

Ah.  Here comes Primal, right on the typical heroic cue.  He shall save me.

waspinator

What?  Monkey-bot is our enemy--

megatron

(interrupts hastily)

Shut up, Waspinator.

(louder, hearty)

Yes, we're good friends, Primal and I.  He will destroy you, Antagony.

antagony

Not if I destroy him first!

SFX:  BLASTER fire starts.

optimus

Eh!?  That new creature is firing on me.  I must try to reason with it.

(louder)

Hold on!  Hold your fire!  I mean you no harm.

SFX: FIRING STOPS, optimus lands

antagony

You are Optimus Primal?

optimus

Yes I am.  And if you know my name, you know that I am leader of the Maximals on this planet.  We desire only peace.  Join with us.  Together, we all can make the world a better place.  Think of it.  A place without weapons.  Without violence.  With no harsh conflicts between the characters.

megatron

(sourly)

Sounds like a real ratings winner.

optimus

What do you say?  Lay down your weapons, and join with us in the Maximal ways of peace, and fellowship, and --

antagony

OH, SHUT UP AND DIE!

sfx: blaster fire starts up again

optimus

Well, that's just prime.  Guns! Online!

SFX: OPTIMUS's blasters start hammering

megatron

Yess.  An excellent display of destruction, eh, Waspinator?

waspinator

And it still not happening to Waspinator!  Yayy!

sfx: final blast

antagony

Aaaargh!  I'm hit!  I'm down!

optimus primal

Good.  Because I'm out of ammo.

megatron

Are you now.

sfx: MEGATRON fires

optimus primal

Aaaargh!

sfx: thud as he hits the ground

megatron

Waspinator, grab Antagony.  Yes, excellent.  Now.  Surely it is my turn to ask the questions, eh?

antagony

(damaged, but tough)

Forget it.  And don't call me Shirley.  Come here, bug-boy!

waspinator

Ack!  Ant-bot has Waspinator by neck!  Has gun in Waspinator's ear!

antagony

I have a hostage now, Megatron!  So stay back, or I'll blow his head right off!

waspinator

No!  Please!  Waspinator's extended warranty expire last week!

megatron

Hmmmmmmm....

David glances at the audience, who should (hopefully) be laughing by now.  Finally he says:

megatron

Oh, let's not go there.  Very well, Antagony.  I back away.

SFX: METAL FOOTSTEPS, WIND

antagony

Look out, fool!  You're stirring up dust -- ahhh...ahhhh...

waspinator

Nooooooo!

antagony

ACHOOO!

SFX: BLASTER FIRES.

waspinator

(comical fading yell)

megatron, antagony

(unison)

Eeeeewww.

antagony

Blast.  And that was my last shot, too.  Uhh... power fading...

SFX: THUD as she hits the ground.

megatron

(chuckle)

As I anticipated.

(darker)

Now you are MY hostage, Antagony.  I shall take you back to the Predacon base.  And there we shall learn what destruction you herald -- and what indeed your true mission is!

(evil laughter)

 

FADE LIGHTS OUT

 

end part one


 


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